Premature Death~
Hmm..Die..is dying..my COMP is dying~! Of course is my comp larr..not me~! Sigh..i got virus from the mp4 and then it started to destroy my windows file..now i cant even open task manager (ctrl+alt+del)..if im the one..i will just go and flame the one who cause the mp4 kena virus..i dont know why u didnt..hmmm...hope zihau can help me reformat with backed up files if not most of the data will gone..T.T
I've just failed my malaysian study which got me quite depressed and lost hope and i will have to retake the subject meaning that i have to sit in the class for nothing..yeah~! i probably wont go and ponteng and dont do all the project stuff anymore..Other than that, i failed my english, econ, account, psychology and math which mean failed all the subjects that i took in SAM for trials. Isnt this cool?! i mean..this is really cool~ i dunnoe how i get this kind of result.sigh~
So..my final..in less than 4 weeks huh?! haha~ just end this up..didnt plan to get another piece of good result as what i ve planned before i took SAM..i think i will just stick with jobs when i have that kind of chances..getting knowledge from books something is exciting and fun..but i just cant handle it when i have to stick my butt onto the chair for like few hours to study for 1 subject. i wonder who can do that..kel gene..iwei..hmm..i dont know....i have rather kill myself than sitting on that chair until my butt melted that piece of plastic.
Okay now..i should start my econ homework..to shut econ teacher's mouth about not doing homework as what hunter had said..yeah~!!

Whats Wrong?!
I always ask myself the question..So..Whats wrong?! I will never get the answer because we knew the answers. Im always figuring out whats the solution and what can we do but..the gap..between us are too big for us handle it..u felt it but are trying hard to pull our distance nearer and nearer..but i feel that when i was with liying..im more comfortable for she knows what i will do next..i dont know why..and maybe she didnt feel that way..i just do..but..with you..i know..every single minute im with you..im happy..but just that...every other small details make me uncomfortable..yes..a very very small detail..no matter just a nickname..a password..memo..personal message can just simply make me feel much more better when im sad..i dont know why..the same level of undescribable feeling keep coming out from the same wound..u always say that im the most important..im the most important..but..i couldnt feel anything..maybe i built up my self defence barrier too strong?! or u just dont know how to action it out?! i really couldnt feel anything from you..except care and love..maybe u should believe in karma..god is more important...
My emotions are up and down, up and down and very unstable lately..i can be very moody..and suddenly can be very happy..just because of you..does it represent that you are very important for me?! or does it represent that you are making me suffer?! or maybe i didnt put much effort and u are the one who did everything?! maybe i should just try put much more effort and try..what will happen next and the result..just hope that it is not the negative way...and sorry for whatever things that i never do properly and had make you angry or upset..because im really dunnoe who i am..what i am..and where i am......

p/s : it didnt get me home

Am I Not Good Enough?!

I always wonder..am i not good enough?! i guess the answer would be a yes. Everything i do..everything i thought..nothing is good enough to be praise for. my freedom was grunted, my thoughts were being rejected, my mind was blocked..im so useless..i am so helpless..i cant do anything..i cant depends on anyone at all..im alone..i must stand alone..!

"no no..this house cant keep me anymore,

not with the lies that came out from your mouth,
not with the hide and seek all around,

not with the playing-underground,

no..no..im gonna leave this house.."

chance awaiting me to get me away from this terrible house..maybe i will miss them in the future..maybe i will forgive them after now..but i will not regret for leaving the house..home sweet home?! not without lies...~

Sigh..

Once again, i started to blog again. My will to blog seems to be very undetermined since i have had more than 3 blogs but none of them are successful, not even updated that often. Lately, i can feel that my heart is getting smaller and smaller, and just couldnt accept lots of things, not even a tiny little thing. Has i changed?! But if i did, what make me to?! Or i was always like this? Seriously, where is happiness?! Somebody told me happiness will be always around you, but i couldnt find any?! or i was wanting-for-perfection-driven?! yeah, i understand the meaning of curiosity is killing the cat, finally. Afterall, it is not so easy to understand things, especially life right?! Life just sux, even with love or without, it still sux. Whats the meaning of life?! Power?! Wealth?! Love?! After getting what you had wanted to have for like half of a centuries, u got satisfied and die?! Thats what life about?! You come to this world, study, work, earn money, have your own family and die?! If so, where are we heading?! Arent it to be the same way as where we came from?! If so, whats the point then?! God invented human for good or for bad?! Everything in front of your eyes, are not immortal, appreciate whatever it is, or you will regret for having such life.