i still think about things at times.
i still think about what happened.
i still think about what are us now.
does your heart still have me?
or im just nobody at all.
do you still remember my face? my voice?
my eyes when we lied together when i told you you are beautiful?
because i clearly remember yours.
am i like one of your exes or even worse than those guys that you did?
im not like them
i know you were sad when i said i didnt get the air ticket to melb
but i did. as i promised.
im not like them.
maybe the reason why i left make no sense.
it doesnt to me either.
i dont understand why i did it.
maybe i loved you too much.
thats why.
you dont understand why i left. i know you dont.
i cant take it.
maybe you can. but i think we are complicated right now.
you said maybe if i tried to talk friendly.
you would reply.
but none i get.
i remembered you replied anson when u had ur work placements.
am i worse than him?
or you just decided to put me and them aside?
i know i wasnt good enough.
but give me the chance to be better.
even if it is just a "try" from you i dont mind taking the risk.
we did so much more than we should deserve this ending.
im regretted being so childish to leave.
let me use my whole life to make it up to you. kitty.
i dont want to lose you. because you are perfect for me.
not because you do as what i said.
but because the way you smile it attracts me.
the way you speak it excites me.
the way you think inspire me.
the way when u get frustrated because of stress make me feel important to be around you.
the way when u look at me makes me melt in you.
it is the way you are that i love.
that i endlessly love.

please,
im desperate for you
dont make me to be pathetic
like those guys
i dont want to be as ugly as them.
can we just talk?
for the sake of what we did in july.
baby princess...

if i die young

if i die young
bury me in the sadness,
lay me down on a knife bed,
sink me in the blood river.

Next Chapter

Move on...

fts

The only thing with me is that im always serious in love...quality not quantity...
taurus are dead loyal....

A chapter of my life

Our journey started in a fine october with...

that is the first time i know you..

the first time we skype...

the first time..i watch u nap in the afternoon...

of course...with some more others..

it was a good start...

somehow making me feel how special i am...

because of you..

i made my mind to go united states even if im to be alone there..

for 5 months...

because of you...

made me believe in myself that i can do everything...

things really going very well...

we were happy back then..

so happy....

continue talking with each other..

at least once every day....

but i never knew what were u doing on the other time...

when we arent talking...

i didnt think that much....

things start getting difficult when im going over to united states

especially the time when u had to go china and u dont get to online...

and we argued almost everyday when u were online...

time difference..distance...

never been a good friend to us...

but we managed until you get back to where u were...

and u get to online as much as u want to...

and we did so many sweet things together...

even just pictures...

it means really alot...

for each of us...

but good times never stay forever...shit just happens..

i found out everything...

about your past...

about what u do when u arent talking to me...

about how u lied to me...

about whatever stories that i hear from you..are fake...

about..how u used to make me feel special..

is not a privilege to me...

(this picture is not taken by me..whoever it is..i dont care anymore)

we had our first big argument...

i just cant hold myself from being emotional breakdown once i found out...

just imagine how hurtful it can be...

tears just burst out...

i almost gave it up...

but in the end..for unknown reason..

i hold on...

hoping i could get something in return for the decision that i made to hold on..

"love" is that something that i hope i could get in return...

we still had some arguments....

once in a while...

but it was kinda special..

during these times...

we somehow decided that we will meet in july...

and so..we almost put most of our hope in july...

hoping it that it will make us great...

like the special potion...

to our story...

fast forward to july..

we were so far apart...

that we had to do alot of stuffs thru internet/skype..

but finally...

july is here...

we are both excited about this...

and our first ever picture taking together...

not skype...

but...together...

and a couple of them...

and the last picture...

we had ever taken...

will be...

ever taken...

good times never really last...

time flies...

we are far apart again..

back to where we were...

a big round circle...

we are still having the same problem...

what u had done in the past can never be erased...

u are tired of it...

im sick of it...

whatsmore the distance is so far..

like how we used to be...

after im back..

i always tried to believe that we can work..

try to wait for u to convince me we can...

everytime u try..

u walk off...after one try...

either for sleep..

for study...

for every other reasons else in the world...

or maybe u had already stop trying...

for whatever reason...

i think i should too...

i had been keep messaging u eventho i said i wont...

eventho i keep saying bye..

but most of the time..

im hoping that u will tell me...

dont...leave..

you still love me...

things will work again...

instead..what i had was a bye in return...

the more i push u..the further u are...

u are too far that we wont work anymore..

im ending our journey together with this blog post..

i do hope that u learn something..

and never repeat ur mistakes again...

first time..it is mistake..

second time doing it..it is by ur choice...

p/s: i will always love you...

good bye...kitty sy...

Missing You

I'm missing you heaps baby, why aren't you on? :(
I keep checking my phone, but i dont get replies from you...sad..
I need to chat with you John, missing you like crazy ><

-love from baby princess

WO AI NI :D

I LOVE YOU BABY JOHN!

-BABY PRINCESS <3