Whats Wrong?!
I always ask myself the question..So..Whats wrong?! I will never get the answer because we knew the answers. Im always figuring out whats the solution and what can we do but..the gap..between us are too big for us handle it..u felt it but are trying hard to pull our distance nearer and nearer..but i feel that when i was with liying..im more comfortable for she knows what i will do next..i dont know why..and maybe she didnt feel that way..i just do..but..with you..i know..every single minute im with you..im happy..but just that...every other small details make me uncomfortable..yes..a very very small detail..no matter just a nickname..a password..memo..personal message can just simply make me feel much more better when im sad..i dont know why..the same level of undescribable feeling keep coming out from the same wound..u always say that im the most important..im the most important..but..i couldnt feel anything..maybe i built up my self defence barrier too strong?! or u just dont know how to action it out?! i really couldnt feel anything from you..except care and love..maybe u should believe in karma..god is more important...
My emotions are up and down, up and down and very unstable lately..i can be very moody..and suddenly can be very happy..just because of you..does it represent that you are very important for me?! or does it represent that you are making me suffer?! or maybe i didnt put much effort and u are the one who did everything?! maybe i should just try put much more effort and try..what will happen next and the result..just hope that it is not the negative way...and sorry for whatever things that i never do properly and had make you angry or upset..because im really dunnoe who i am..what i am..and where i am......

p/s : it didnt get me home

Am I Not Good Enough?!

I always wonder..am i not good enough?! i guess the answer would be a yes. Everything i do..everything i thought..nothing is good enough to be praise for. my freedom was grunted, my thoughts were being rejected, my mind was blocked..im so useless..i am so helpless..i cant do anything..i cant depends on anyone at all..im alone..i must stand alone..!

"no no..this house cant keep me anymore,

not with the lies that came out from your mouth,
not with the hide and seek all around,

not with the playing-underground,

no..no..im gonna leave this house.."

chance awaiting me to get me away from this terrible house..maybe i will miss them in the future..maybe i will forgive them after now..but i will not regret for leaving the house..home sweet home?! not without lies...~

Sigh..

Once again, i started to blog again. My will to blog seems to be very undetermined since i have had more than 3 blogs but none of them are successful, not even updated that often. Lately, i can feel that my heart is getting smaller and smaller, and just couldnt accept lots of things, not even a tiny little thing. Has i changed?! But if i did, what make me to?! Or i was always like this? Seriously, where is happiness?! Somebody told me happiness will be always around you, but i couldnt find any?! or i was wanting-for-perfection-driven?! yeah, i understand the meaning of curiosity is killing the cat, finally. Afterall, it is not so easy to understand things, especially life right?! Life just sux, even with love or without, it still sux. Whats the meaning of life?! Power?! Wealth?! Love?! After getting what you had wanted to have for like half of a centuries, u got satisfied and die?! Thats what life about?! You come to this world, study, work, earn money, have your own family and die?! If so, where are we heading?! Arent it to be the same way as where we came from?! If so, whats the point then?! God invented human for good or for bad?! Everything in front of your eyes, are not immortal, appreciate whatever it is, or you will regret for having such life.